“Let me warm up my hands” is what we do before beginning a task. Do we think of warming an alliance, kickstarting what could be mutual admiration, or establishing interrelationships with the same degree of forethought and planning? Carelessness remains the reason our associations are not as meaningful (or as plentiful) as they could be.
Engaged human discourse must be deliberate, and, like bodily sustenance cannot be ingested all at once – but must instead be trickled slowly over time. In his book Never Eat Alone, Ferrrazzi argues that to effectively interact with (and expand) our network of connections, we need to engage in what he calls “continual pinging” (consisting of phone calls, emails, and/or social media postings). Carving out time so that we do not fall off someone’s radar is a corollary.
In The Fringe Hours, Turner (2015) suggests cataloguing (for one week) the way in which we spend our 24-hour allotments. Like Frederick Taylor, we can be efficiency experts within our own lives through discipline. Once we carve out the requisite space, we can then proceed with a plan – which should begin by taking our “incompletes” off the table (Canfield, 2005). Are you for example up-to-date on your thank you notes and/or cards/correspondence? So often, when we get what we want we retreat with pillar of salt swiftness. The Gratitude Experiment chronicles the joy people felt from calling someone who had a profound positive influence on their lives. The feelings they experienced were palpable, resulting in an increase in overall happiness up to nineteen percent.
Conversely, there are those for whom connection represents anti-matter and a foreign marauder. In What Dreams May Come, Matheson describes those who reside in the lower realms – individuals who desire to submerge people around them inside a mental fetid muck. In in a hellish vision, he explains the overbearing nature of discordant thought: “I feel crushed beneath the weight of the assailing visions and could only assume that such thoughts were so rabid in their focus that telepathy was not required to absorb the vibrations.” A fury infested, self-focused lot of people exists on earth as well.
“Dementors’” desire to downshift those around them into a denser form of life. Avoiding them is less about dislike, and more about self-preservation. Their head in hands posture and “I’m always miserable” attitude mirrors their continual focus on gloom-covered thoughts. According to Carr-Ruffino, corresponding emotions include fear, shame, terror, revenge, hysteria, envy, and self-pity, among others [for a Map of Emotions see the post Cultivate your intuition].
References and related posts
Canfield, J. The success principles: How to get form where you are to where you want to be. New York, NY: HarperCollins Publishers.
Ferrazi, K. (2014). Never eat alone. New York, NY: Crown Business.
Peck, M. S. (1985). People of the lie. New York, NY: Simon & Schuster.