Compliments of F1 Digitals via Pixabay

We plan, organize, and containerize our stuff, sorting by size, color, texture and shape–tossing the unusable, and purchasing fresh supplies when we run low.

Do we give the same care to organizing the contents inside our heads? Or do we aimlessly chase whatever surfaces, not realizing that we can change the channel at any time–and that the choice is ours alone.

In the courtroom of our own making we expeditiously judge: thinking how, with clockwork precision, this or that person annoyed, irritated, or infuriated us. In these moments it is easy to see ourselves as blameless. There are, however, myriad things that we may do that others find displeasing. Sometimes we are so obscured by mental blinders of “I’m right” and “You’re wrong” that we fail to see we are at fault. We self-righteously never think to ask if there is an alternative perspective.

Thoughts are the building blocks of character. How we think defines our attitudes and hones our subsequent behavior. If we conclude without investigation that someone wounded us, we might engage in the following downward spiral of events:

• discuss the wrong with other people, amplifying the negativity;

• ostracize the person, thus severing the relationship–thinking what they should have said/done, and how we could have put them in their place;

• report trivial matters instead of going to the source, an action that creates unnecessary tension.

The best course of action may be simply choosing to speak to someone else like a friend. “I’m not sure that we’re on the same page; when we discussed ____, I felt _____.  What are your thoughts? Can you help me to see your perspective?

Everyone is someone else from whom we can learn—although their message may not arrive dressed in diplomacy, tact, and relational détente. Social niceties do not necessarily come easily, especially in the heat of the moment–when we wish to “tell it like it is.” If we see encounters with friends and coworkers as opportunities to learn and grow, we can then reframe how we think of these episodes.

We can think of people as potential teachers and gifts.