Keeping misgivings (and our true feelings) to ourselves is a form of self-bullying. Self-denial, acquiescence, and keeping silent simply to appease someone else (or to avoid confrontation) are an affront to our spirit. We know better, but our desire not to “rock the boat” and our willingness to keep the peace sometimes carry the day. It is then that we act as our own worst enemy.

Accommodation (e.g., expressing our own needs in a mealy mouthed manner, or not at all) permits us to live as imposters, doing the bidding of everyone except ourselves. If your life is spent in this fashion, the opportunity cost is immeasurable. How much happier would you be if you heeded your inner longing, instead of choosing to be “possessed?” A self-constructed box of silence serves everyone’s needs but our own. Living in service to others is different from existing in subjugation. Are things status quo simply because you don’t speak up?

Before you know it, an entire lifetime will have passed in the shadow of someone else. Dreams deferred, dismissed, and denied are locked in a hope chest for a day that never comes. The overly controlled who exist at the hands of controllers do society an injustice – they deny the world their true selves as a misguided way of honoring others.

If you’re a controller, be open to what other people have to say – and be willing to shelve your own agenda. Argumentativeness, oppositional thinking, and fear of confrontation are what keep your conquests’ mouths shut. Don’t always demand agreement, as if you think it’s something to which you’re entitled. One/down win/lose relationships benefit no one but yourself.

To the controlled – the other party is banking on the fact that you have no backbone. Stand up for yourself, no matter how uncomfortable others make you feel. It takes courage to escape the clawing energy of someone else.