Compliments of tflagan via Pixabay

When someone is in need, we may utter the ubiquitous, vacuous, empty phrase, “Let me know if I can help you.” People in need will most likely not take us up on our offer. Offering help with no substance may make us feel like we are doing something useful, that we have somehow, in a flippant, perfunctory gesture fulfilled our obligations. Reliance on electronics makes armchair altruism even easier; a “let me know if you need help” text message.

Actions speak louder than words. Proactive compassion helps us minister to our peers.

What are some ways to show that we care? If we are at work, we can look for people to mentor; if someone has just suffered a loss, we can serve as a sounding board; if a friend suffers hardship, tangible outreach might just ease their pain. Sending a beautiful card is a low-cost high impact way, in this era of point and click, to show consideration.

Below are some specific proactive ways to demonstrate outreach to someone else:

• Surprise them with something they need. Perhaps it’s help around the house, a home-cooked meal, a lawn mow and yard clip gratis, or a surprise delivery of groceries. Pre-paying at a restaurant (or at a drive-through) are unexpected pleasures that will delight someone else.

• Bring a gift to someone’s home: e.g., flowers, pastry, a potted plant, instead of asking, “What should I bring?” Many times, people will decline our kind offer. We honor others’ hospitality when we go the extra mile, despite their polite protestations otherwise.

• Reciprocate. In a “me oriented” culture where some do the bare minimum (and expect others to fill the void), we may say “thank you,” expect that our pleasantry will prime the pump, then fail to acknowledge that others may enjoy a comparable gesture.

• Provide a sincere compliment. In the article “Here’s what happened when I complimented everyone I met for an entire day” Haden (2016) describes the process and outcome of actively seeking to compliment other people. He found that a carefully chosen words can illuminate others’ spirits. If someone is brusque (or even surly), our first impulse is to seek vengeance and to level the score. What if we instead chose to disarm them by offering an olive branch of kindness? People taken aback by unexpected grace may soften. Behaving like a lightning rod just takes a little self-control, and the desire to make peace.

• Talk to someone you haven’t seen in a while. An old-fashioned phone call may be just the tonic they need. We may wish for people to come to us when proactivity suggests that we should make the first move.

• Bridge a rift. Like bitter rivals we sometimes dig in and refuse to conciliate. What if we admitted our part in the wrongdoing, mended fences, and began afresh on a new platform? Because we change, others may change as well.

Proactivity takes effort and a willingness to overcome inertia.

Related posts

Gilbert, J. A. (2011, August 21). Reap the benefits of reciprocity [blog post]. https://organizedforefficiency.com/reap-the-benefits-of-reciprocity/

Haden, J. (2016). Here’s what happened when I complimented everyone I met for an entire day. Inc.
https://www.inc.com/jeff-haden/heres-what-happened-when-i-complimented-everyone-i-met-for-an-entire-day.html