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When the word “selfless” comes to mind, we may think of the saints—people who put others first and who displayed a reservoir of compassion and kindness. We can manifest selflessness to the extent that we put aside feelings of offense and “me-focus.” Obsessing on slights creates rigid personal boundaries that set us apart. To “other reference” is to feel empathy.

Secular sanctity, or “selflessness,” is the ability to enfold other people into a circle of caring – something we may feel comfortable doing only if it does not create a personal hardship. Selflessness is “Do[ing] all the good you can, by all the means you can, in all the ways you can, in all the places you can, at all the times you can, to all the people you can, as long as ever you can” (John Wesley).

Ministering is something that we can do in myriad small ways. Is there someone that you know who needs a phone call? Can you write a letter to let a friend know you’re thinking of them? In an era of point and click, taking the time to put pen to paper creates a dramatic effect. Similarly, curating gifts to bequeath on the spur of the moment sparks delight in someone else. Presents need not be for a specific occasion. Selectively purchase gifts when you see something that might strike the fancy of someone else–then surprise them. The happiness in their face is reflected in the way that we feel about ourselves.

According to Dr. Jeff Doolittle (2023), “Selflessness is being more concerned with the needs and desires of others than with your needs.” This entails acting when it is inconvenient, helping when we don’t receive compensation, saving someone from embarrassment, and recognizing peers in a public forum. It is doing what is in the best interests of the whole, even if it that means putting aside our own plans. In “5 ways selfless collaboration can positively impact your business” Vitasek (2023) explains that “selfless collaboration means team members and external partners aren’t just focused on their own work and goals — they also actively assist others.” The ability to behave in community creates a synergy that improves the bottom line. Cohesion can be encouraged by rewarding and promoting employees who assist their peers, and who proactively enhance relationship.

To create a culture of selflessness a switch from rewarding solely on individual achievement (a practice that might encourage the more senior to exploit their lesser tenured peers) to embrace community standards must occur. In Narcissism: Living in the Age of Entitlement, Twenge and Campbell (2010) explain that people are increasingly self-focused, and as a result, uncivil. Thinking, speaking, and advocating for ourselves, pontificating while others remain silent makes others feel invisible. Selflessness is thus the opposite of self-focus. Instead of “I don’t like X,” can we think of how “X” impacts others? Our cherished idiosyncrasies may interfere with gestalt. Peering out from underneath the brim of “me” to view the needs of “we” takes effort.

Selflessness is taking an active role even when we experience hurt in the process. The bystander effect for example occurs when people behave as witness. Proactive bystanders (or upstanders) act in others’ best interests –offering solace to the abused post bullying, confronting perpetrators, advocating for policy to redress past misdeeds, and fomenting psychological safety at work. Selfless people do not retaliate and they do not match people in kind. They instead reflectively behave as peacemakers; eschew taking outbursts personally; and self-sacrifice for the good of the whole. The selfless take a stand. Being in someone else’s shoes may create discomfort, but discomfort is something they are willing to risk.

Perhaps we should start with discovering how people perceive us (Jack Canfield (2005) advocates asking others to rate us on a scale from 1-10). Feedback is a gift, a means to become more of what is helpful.

A life of giving leaves an imprint.

What we leave behind may or may not have anything to do with amassing a personal fortune, but everything to do with making an impact – an indelible shift affected through our actions in the interests of others.

References

Acts of kindness quotes. The Honey Foundation.

Canfield, J. (2005). The success principles: How to get from where you are to where you want to be. New York, NY: HarperCollins.

Doolittle, J. (2023). Embracing selfless love in the workplace. https://www.organizationaltalent.com/post/embracing-selfless-love-in-the-workplace

Gratitude really is good for you. Here’s what the science shows. New York Times.

Twenge, J. M., & Campbell, W. K. The narcissism epidemic: Living in the age of entitlement. (2010).

Vitasek, K. (2023). 5 ways selfless collaboration can positively impact your business. Forbes. https://www.forbes.com/sites/katevitasek/2023/11/30/5-ways-selfless-collaboration-can-positively-impact-your-business/?sh=381bfb53225a

Vranges, I., Lyubykh, Z., Hershcovis, M. S., & Caza, B. B. (2024). How to intervene when you witness workplace aggression. Harvard Business Review. https://hbr.org/2024/01/how-to-intervene-when-you-witness-workplace-aggression